giving up control. or at least attempting to....

sorry for the lack of updates. i have been having a hard time with things lately. i've spent a lot of time in prayer and focusing on what God wants me to gain from all of this. i'm trying with everything in me to trust God & know that even if in the long run my prayers aren't answered the way i want them to be, God is still answering my prayers. and beyond that, in all things He is working for the good of my family because we love Him. it's so hard to stay positive about things, and i feel like i've really been losing that battle lately. but, i'm focusing daily on some passages that help me put things in perspective. wanted to share those with you.

joshua 1:9
have i not commanded you? be strong & courageous. do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

psalm 3:3-4
but you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. to the Lord i cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill.

psalm 6:2-4, 9
be merciful to me, Lord, for i am faint; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony. my soul is in anguish. how long, O Lord, how long? turn, O Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love. the Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer.

psalm 20:4-5
may he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. we will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. may the Lord grant all your requests.

psalm 55:17
evening, morning, and noon i cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.

psalm 27:1
the Lord is my light & my salvation - whom shall i fear? the Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall i be afraid?

psalm 31:1-5
in you, O Lord, i have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness. turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me. since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead & guide me. free me from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge. into your hands i commit my spirit; redeem me, O Lord, the God of truth.

psalm 34:17-19
the righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. a righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.

psalm 121:2
my help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.

proverbs 3:5-6
trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

isaiah 40:31
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

isaiah 41:10
fear not, for i am with you; be not dismayed, for i am your God. i will strengthen you, yes, i will help you, i will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

matthew 7:7
ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

matthew 11:28-30
come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest. take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for i am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

matthew 19:26
with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

2 corinthians 5:7
we live by faith, not by sight.

hebrews 11:1
now faith is being sure of whay we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

2 corinthians 12:9-10
but He said to me, "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." therefore i will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. that is why, for Christ's sake, i delight in my weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. for when i am weak, then i am strong.

i know that was a lot, but these are the verses i have been poring over daily. and i don't want anyone to think that i'm trying to "name it & claim it" because that's not my mindset. instead, i'm asking that God will help me to really accept that His will for our lives is better than what we think we want. i'm asking that i will always know that God hears my prayers, and that He will renew me & that His grace will cover me. i'm asking that when i can't see past my imperfections, and i feel as if i have failed, that God will remind me that His power is made perfect in my weakness. if everything went exactly how i wanted it to, i would not have to rely on his grace & his power. i am asking that God helps me to rejoice in my hardships because they bring me closer to Him. whether things work out the way we want them to or not, i hope that i can always give thanks to God because i know that He will be facing this journey with me, no matter where this road leads.


haven't met you yet...

i might have to wait.
i’ll never give up.
i guess it's half timin', and the other half's luck.
wherever you are,
whenever it's right,
you'll come outta nowhere and into my life.

and i know that we can be so amazin'.
and, baby, your love is gonna change me.
and now i can see every possibility.

and someday i know it'll all turn out,
and i'll work to work it out,
promise you, kid, i’ll give more than i get.

i just haven't met you yet!



i went to cottontails yesterday with nicole & her friend (now my friend), brittany. we had a great time! although, i think cottontails is even more geared toward people with kids than christmas village. the three of us had a blast together. i got a few things for baby jacob! i hope my brother doesn't declare anything i bought "too girly" for him. :)

some of the loot:

a door sign for when he arrives. this one isn't exactly the same, but his will be similar.

i got him two bibs. (they're reversible)

and a sweet onesie. i thought this was too cute. it even came in a mason jar! :)

i attached the links to the websites in case y'all want to check out the rest of their stuff.


a dream deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

-langston hughes


happy 60th!

i really need to get with the program. i'm averaging less than one post a month. just sad. i guess i just haven't felt like i've had much to share. life, these days, feels mostly like i'm just going through the motions. each month is a repeat of the month before. so, i haven't felt like there was much that was worth sharing. i will be attempting to update much more frequently. we'll see how that goes.

this past weekend was great. we got to spend time with the fam. my mom's 60th birthday was saturday (happy birthday, momma!!!) & the whole family went to the olive garden to celebrate. it was chaotic, but we had a blast. i'm pretty sure mom had a good time. her best friend, carol, came down from memphis for the big celebration. plus, anna kate (now 3) & rachel (not quite 5) kept things exciting. they had so much fun playing together, even though we vetoed anna kate's vote to eat at mcdonald's - you know, where there's a playground. ha! they managed to occupy themselves in a real restaurant. rachel, of course, had to use the bathroom right when the food came out. i volunteered to take her, and ended up fielding a million questions, e.g. why is that music playing in the bathroom?, there's soap in THAT?, how are little kids supposed to know that's where the soap is?, etc. she made it worth it, though, because when we were on our way to the restroom, she said, "re re, you look beautiful tonight." so, needless to say, i didn't mind answering every question she threw my way. anyway, it was a great night. we really should start planning family nights more regularly.


new year, new outlook

it's been a while. not sure if i even remember how this works...

last year was a long year for us. we really did have so many good times, but the year was also full of heartache & trying times. i'm determined that this year is going to be one of renewal for us. we're going to remember what it's like to truly be satisfied, focusing on what is right instead of what is wrong.

our church is doing a daniel fast for 21 days. it started this past sunday & runs through the end of january. so, 5 days down, lots to go. but josh & i are so excited about it. it has already been such a blessing for us. we're refocusing our lives, creating new (& MUCH better) habits, and remembering how very blessed we are.

i have also become aware that i need to really pay attention to what's going on around me. i spent so much time focusing on myself & my problems last year. it took a long time for me to realize that i wasn't being the friend, or even wife, that i could have been if all of my energy wasn't focused on myself & my feelings. i'm embarrassed to think of the conversations with friends that were completely about me. already this year, i have realized that everyone has problems that they must face, but not everyone has all the blessings that i'm fortunate enough to have.

enough of the rambling. our prayer: god, help us to see whatever you're trying to teach us through this. we've learned a lot over the last year & a half, but we're willing to keep on learning as long as it takes. just give us the faith to make it through! we're trusting you.


needtobreathe videos

the last video (something beautiful) is my favorite, but they're all good. the lighting is bad in a few of them, but i posted them anyways so that you could listen to them even if you can't see them. hope you enjoy!